I think i sorta joined a cult last night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
