just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
there is puke in my bra ... again
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