i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
