And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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