I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I FOUND THE LEGS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
