just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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