Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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