I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
