It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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