I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
