i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My vagina is officially offended.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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