you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
