I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
