it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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