Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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