I love black thongs
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
