That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
