I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
