I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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