I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
