THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
