You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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