don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
