I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
