if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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