Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
