Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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