So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
