I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
