is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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