Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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