The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
