we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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