it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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