I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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