i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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