How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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