Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
