kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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