Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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