Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
