ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
