Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
