Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
