I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
