Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
