I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
