3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
