see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
