Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize