You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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