Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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