It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
