You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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