Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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