Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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