No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
