You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Girls should come with a carfax report
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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