Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
