I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
