hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
