This is not my ceiling
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
