worst night to have a conscience
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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