i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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