If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
