THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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